Bugatti Chiron in Miami, FL
The new Bugatti Chiron features a quad-turbocharged 8L W16 engine that generates 1,500 horsepower and 1180 lb-ft of torque, with a linear power outp—... 

We interrupt this boring article to bring you a message from Dennis, your friendly neighborhood valet. 

Hey. It’s Dennis, coming at you from nearby Coral Gables. Now, although I’m merely a lowly parking valet for [REDACTED], I’ve seen some things. Some very wild, not-a-chance-that-happened, you’re-off-your-rocker things. I’ve witnessed a gaggle (is that the right term?) of Capuchin monkeys exit a driverless 2-door coupe. I valeted for David Bowie on New Year’s Eve and received a coat button and an immortality ring as a tip. I even parked the Oscar Mayer® Wienermobile – and yes, it smelled like you’d expect.

Yet those are merely amuse-bouches to the main course: My unexpected adventure (or misadventure) in a red Bugatti Chiron that looked something like this:

Red Bugatti Chiron near Miami, FL
Now I’m here to tell you my (short) tale for the ages. Buckle up!

Chapter 1: The Arrival

The morning began as it always does: Wake up. Check phone. Groggily drink coffee #1. Bathe. Don the uniform. Pour coffee #2. Grab banana. Drive Sonata to work. Park. Clock in. Do my stretching exercises (valeting can be a physically vigorous job, believe you me). By then, the caffeine kicks in, and I’m right as rain. 
It’s nearly 11:00 o’clock, which means one thing: The “mad rush” is about to start. See, lunchtime shenanigans abound at [REDACTED], as it’s the preferred dining spot of some of Florida’s most well-known – professional athletes, rappers, music moguls, actors, you name it. 
 
I check my watch as our daily inundation of vehicles, some of which cost more than my annual salary, commences. Todd, my perpetually tardy coworker with a penchant for vintage grand tourers, is first to bat. He gathers the keys to a cute little blue MINI. This is followed by Tina (a white Cadillac sedan), Geoff with a G (a silver Bimmer), and Jeff with a J (another Cadillac, except this one’s black as Bezos’s heart). Next up: Me. 
 
The day's treat zips around the bend, blinding me with beams of blistering red. It was there that I accepted my too-early demise, knowing that the surface of the sun was no place for human flesh. The eye floaters dissipated, however, and I regained my senses. The blindingly bright light that nearly tore my retinas a new you-know-what wasn’t a solar flare or coronal mass ejection – it was a red Bugatti Chiron with black accents. 
 
There I was, comatosely drooling over a luxury hyper sports car that few have ever seen let alone driven. So comatose, in fact, that I hadn’t realized my hand was already white-knuckling the keys, all while a dozen queued vehicles grunted their displeasure with a cacophony of honks.

Bugatti Chiron Key
Appeasing the parade behind me, I trotted past the gorgeous Grey Carbon rear spoiler and slid into Chiron’s driver’s seat. Let me tell you, if Heaven is anything like Chiron’s cabin, then I’d gladly sign up to get jettisoned on the sun. The Chiron is not normal in any way, shape or form – and that’s the highest level of compliment I can give a car. Subdued black leather and supple Alcantara seats with contrasting red stitching. Signature warm amber LED cabin lights. A dual moonroof overlooking the driver and passenger sides. A sexy center console, which I eventually discovered was impressively crafted from a single piece of aluminum. Even its flat-bottomed leather steering wheel seemed like an invitation to fully open each of the engine’s 16-cylinder floodgates.
 
That invitation was welcomed with a personal raincheck since I couldn’t very well hit Chiron’s top speed of over 250 mph heading down Biscayne Blvd (this isn’t the Autobahn). Instead, I took things slow, even as the engine growled to life, shout-whispering sweet nothings in my ear: “Let’s go, big shot!”
 
I turn down the Chiron, politely, and we start our grand, one-block adventure together – a journey I’ll likely never forget.

Chapter 2: That’s My Story, and I’m Sticking to it.

A “car guy” I’m not, but it’s easy to see and hear that the Chiron was built for a racetrack, not the mean streets of Miami’s NE 21st or N Bayshore Drive. On sight, Chiron’s speedometer spins its needle up to 500 kmh, or over 300 mph, which should tell you all you need to know. Even a slight lead foot will make you go astray in the Chiron, essentially.

Bugatti Chiron Dash
I took a breath and tensely turned down Biscayne toward our secure, gated facility, understanding that a single nick, ding or dent would be the end of me. Had there been even a sliver of wood in the Chiron, I’d have knocked on it. Alas, life had other plans, and things took a turn for the worse rather quickly.

This is the day that I learned one important lesson: Pyros and arsonists could be anyone, even the people you least expect. Take the elderly man who regularly feeds pigeons across the street from your business’s parking garage, for example. Who would ever think he’d have a deep desire to set really, really expensive cars ablaze? 
 
Hey, I’m usually not the type to tell people what they can and can’t do. However, when an old guy is fumbling with a Molotov cocktail right in front of the multimillion-dollar sports car you’re driving, it’s quite easy to change your stance, apparently. 

“Stop that, evildoer!” I shouted (or something to that effect). 

Did he listen? No, of course not. So, I resorted to the scientifically proven strategy of Begging. “Please, just leave me be.” Then Bribery. “I’ll give you everything in my wallet if you stop.” Then Anger. “Listen, I’m angry and calling the police.” 
 
Nada.
 
At that point, all that was left was Acceptance. I hopped out of the car. The Chiron went up like it was made of Dunder Mifflin A4 printer paper. The old man ran away (his pigeons remained). I stood in shock as the fire department and police flew in like I was giving away free donuts and bowls of chili. They took my statement and sent me on my not-so merry way.
 
Now, if you’ve ever had to tell your boss that the most expensive thing you’ve ever been in charge of has become literal toast, you’ll know my dilemma well. As you can imagine, the walk back up the block was the longest and most agonizing 3 minutes of my life. 
 
From [REDACTED], you could see the black smoke plumes down the road. By the time I returned, Todd and Tina and the Geoffs/Jeffs, having already passed by the catastrophic scene several times while parking other vehicles, had told my boss everything. Needless to say, no one was happy. Yet I couldn’t stop thinking that none of this would have happened if I’d just taken that Chiron for a Ferris Bueller-like joyride. What’s that saying about missed opportunities?

Chapter 3: The Epilogue

Long story short, that’s how I got fired from my valeting job. Was it worth it? Not in the eyes of my landlord, no; but at least I got to enjoy a few minutes inside one of the world’s coolest cars. Plus, now I've got a good story to tell the grandkids. 
Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Bugatti Chiron Engine
...a nutshell, that’s why the Bugatti Chiron beats the Lamborghini Aventador to become the best hypercar for sale in Miami. Thanks for reading this educational article!
 
Care to learn more about building a bespoke Bugatti? Need some body work done on your Chiron? That's what our Bugatti dealership near Aventura is here for. Contact Braman Bugatti Miami at (786) 577-5216 to speak with our sales agents or service technicians. 
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